A Changed Man This Christmas Season

Who isn’t sad during the Yuletide season? That’s what I always say whenever I feel Christmas is coming.

Many years ago, I spoke to one popular comedienne DJ in the country and was surprised to discover that we share the same surge of sad feeling in every December. Whenever Christmas songs are played loudly in the malls with the mellow glow of the hundreds of beautiful tiny lights, we both feel all sorts of low emotions.

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This DJ told me that she doesn’t have a clue why she feels like that, but we both agreed that for all people, the reasons could be different. I secretly thanked her for knowing that an ultimately successful person in the field of broadcasting feels weird throughout this whole season, not to mention that Christmas time is festive to most people.

Almost five years later, I discovered that what I feel is not sadness. Its just the effect of an empty feeling triggered by the songs and Christmas lights, maybe worse– emptiness. I remember the song Dust In The Wind by Kansas.

One time, I went to a Sunday sermon of one of the most prominent Christian congregations in the country.

The preacher, a woman with great power you’d feel in her calm voice said we need to discover our purpose in life. She said that despite the enormity of the success we have or have yet to achieve in a certain field, whether money-making or being famous we will always feel that we lack something.

She used several examples like Marilyn Monroe, George Washington Carver and many more. Could have been clichés, but I wanted to listen at that time. Turned out, I lost my faith in humanity a long time ago. I’m bringing it back. And that purpose? To contibute to humanity.

So, the sadness is the effect of this empty feeling. I suddenly knew that I activate this kill-joy mode every Christmas season.

I am longing to feel enchantment after every song and wait for wonder in every magical glow of the tiny Christmas lights.

This magic or wonder is basically my fulfillment or purpose. I know my purpose now. I hope you as well.

“Up above candles oh, they flicker
Oh they flicker and they float
And I’m up here holding on
To all those chandeliers of hope.” – Coldplay

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About pinoyjournalist

Journalist. Son. Bum. Bored.Inspired. Loves. Loved. Runs. Backpacker wanna be. Silently noisy. Dreamer. Believer.
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